 |
| Michael holding a butterfly |
Three days before 20 year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.
“I can wear these pants,” he said, his tone increasingly
belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.
“They are navy blue,” I told him. “Your school’s dress code
says black or khaki pants only.”
“They told me I could wear these,” he insisted. “You’re a
stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have
rights!”
“You can’t wear whatever pants you want to,” I said, my tone
affable, reasonable. “And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You’re
grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I
will take you to school.”
I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he
terrifies me.
A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to
kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books.
His 7 and 9 year old siblings knew the safety plan—they ran to the car and
locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael,
then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single
Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to
scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me.
That conflict ended with three burly police officers and a
paramedic wrestling my son onto a gurney for an expensive ambulance ride to the
local emergency room. The mental hospital didn’t have any beds that day, and Michael
calmed down nicely in the ER, so they sent us home with a prescription for
Zyprexa and a follow-up visit with a local pediatric psychiatrist.
We still don’t know what’s wrong with Michael. Autism
spectrum, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant or Intermittent Explosive Disorder have
all been tossed around at various meetings with probation officers and social
workers and counselors and teachers and school administrators. He’s been on a
slew of antipsychotic and mood altering pharmaceuticals, a Russian novel of
behavioral plans. Nothing seems to work.
At the start of seventh grade, Michael was accepted to an
accelerated program for highly gifted math and science students. His IQ is off
the charts. When he’s in a good mood, he will gladly bend your ear on subjects
ranging from Greek mythology to the differences between Einsteinian and
Newtonian physics to Doctor Who. He’s in a good mood most of the time. But when
he’s not, watch out. And it’s impossible to predict what will set him off.
Several weeks into his new junior high school, Michael began
exhibiting increasingly odd and threatening behaviors at school. We decided to
transfer him to the district’s most restrictive behavioral program, a contained
school environment where children who can’t function in normal classrooms can
access their right to free public babysitting from 7:30-1:50 Monday through
Friday until they turn 18.
The morning of the pants incident, Michael continued to
argue with me on the drive. He would occasionally apologize and seem
remorseful. Right before we turned into his school parking lot, he said, “Look,
Mom, I’m really sorry. Can I have video games back today?”
“No way,” I told him. “You cannot act the way you acted this
morning and think you can get your electronic privileges back that quickly.”
His face turned cold, and his eyes were full of calculated
rage. “Then I’m going to kill myself,” he said. “I’m going to jump out of this
car right now and kill myself.”
That was it. After the knife incident, I told him that if he
ever said those words again, I would take him straight to the mental hospital,
no ifs, ands, or buts. I did not respond, except to pull the car into the
opposite lane, turning left instead of right.
“Where are you taking me?” he said, suddenly worried. “Where
are we going?”
“You know where we are going,” I replied.
“No! You can’t do that to me! You’re sending me to hell! You’re
sending me straight to hell!”
I pulled up in front of the hospital, frantically waiving
for one of the clinicians who happened to be standing outside. “Call the
police,” I said. “Hurry.”
Michael was in a full-blown fit by then, screaming and
hitting. I hugged him close so he couldn’t escape from the car. He bit me several
times and repeatedly jabbed his elbows into my rib cage. I’m still stronger than
he is, but I won’t be for much longer.
The police came quickly and carried my son screaming and
kicking into the bowels of the hospital. I started to shake, and tears filled
my eyes as I filled out the paperwork—“Were there any difficulties with....at
what age did your child....were there any problems with...has your child ever
experienced...does your child have....”
At least we have health insurance now. I recently accepted a
position with a local college, giving up my freelance career because when you
have a kid like this, you need benefits. You’ll do anything for benefits. No
individual insurance plan will cover this kind of thing.
For days, my son insisted that I was lying—that I made the
whole thing up so that I could get rid of him. The first day, when I called to
check up on him, he said, “I hate you. And I’m going to get my revenge as soon
as I get out of here.”
By day three, he was my calm, sweet boy again, all apologies
and promises to get better. I’ve heard those promises for years. I don’t
believe them anymore.
On the intake form, under the question, “What are your
expectations for treatment?” I wrote, “I need help.”
And I do. This problem is too big for me to handle on my
own. Sometimes there are no good options. So you just pray for
grace and trust that in hindsight, it will all make sense.
I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza’s mother. I
am Dylan Klebold’s and Eric Harris’s mother. I am James Holmes’s mother. I am
Jared Loughner’s mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho’s mother. And these boys—and their
mothers—need help. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy
to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness.
According to Mother Jones, since 1982, 61 mass murders
involving firearms have occurred throughout the country. (http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2012/07/mass-shootings-map).
Of these, 43 of the killers were white males, and only one was a woman. Mother
Jones focused on whether the killers obtained their guns legally (most did).
But this highly visible sign of mental illness should lead us to consider how many
people in the U.S. live in fear, like I do.
When I asked my son’s social worker about my options, he
said that the only thing I could do was to get Michael charged with a crime. “If
he’s back in the system, they’ll create a paper trail,” he said. “That’s the
only way you’re ever going to get anything done. No one will pay attention to
you unless you’ve got charges.”
I don’t believe my son belongs in jail. The chaotic
environment exacerbates Michael’s sensitivity to sensory stimuli and doesn’t
deal with the underlying pathology. But it seems like the United States is
using prison as the solution of choice for mentally ill people. According to
Human Rights Watch, the number of mentally ill inmates in U.S. prisons
quadrupled from 2000 to 2006, and it continues to rise—in fact, the rate of inmate
mental illness is five times greater (56 percent) than in the non-incarcerated
population. (http://www.hrw.org/news/2006/09/05/us-number-mentally-ill-prisons-quadrupled)
With state-run treatment centers and hospitals shuttered,
prison is now the last resort for the mentally ill—Rikers Island, the LA County
Jail, and Cook County Jail in Illinois housed the nation’s largest treatment
centers in 2011 (http://www.npr.org/2011/09/04/140167676/nations-jails-struggle-with-mentally-ill-prisoners)
No one wants to send
a 13-year old genius who loves Harry Potter and his snuggle animal collection
to jail. But our society, with its stigma on mental illness and its broken
healthcare system, does not provide us with other options. Then another
tortured soul shoots up a fast food restaurant. A mall. A kindergarten
classroom. And we wring our hands and say, “Something must be done.”
I agree that something must be done. It’s time for a
meaningful, nation-wide conversation about mental health. That’s the only way
our nation can ever truly heal.
God help me. God help Michael. God help us all.
This story was first published online by the Blue Review. Read more on current events at www.thebluereview.org
This story was first published online by the Blue Review. Read more on current events at www.thebluereview.org
3,760 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 801 – 1000 of 3760 Newer› Newest»I just want to thank you personally for posting this brave, frightening, and deeply humane piece, which has indeed been going viral on Facebook, where I read it. I am fortunate to be the parent of a child whose worst illnesses are allergies and asthma, but I know what parental worry feels like, and my heart goes out to you in a way I find difficult to put into words.
The information about prisons becoming the central loci of treatment was literally harrowing to me, like the worst kind kind of Michel Foucault nightmare come to life. That this is happening when brain science is making such enormous advances on all fronts, and in such desperate need of funding and support, makes me even sicker at heart.
I'm an agnostic, but in whatever sense this makes sense, you, and all parents like you, are in my thoughts and prayers.
And again, thank you for offering something infinitely more useful than anything I've seen on any news outlet so far. What you offer here is so much harder, and so much more what we need: context, understanding, an up-close confrontation with what this is like to live with, and the human stakes on all sides.
My best to you and your son.
I'm not sure if anyone mentioned this before you have so many comments from supporters I was not able to read them all. Many mental illnesses can be due to deficiencies of nutrients or minerals or excesses of non biological metals aka heavy metals. In addition to testing for these. I suggest you get your son tested for physical or genetic issues that may be impeding his ability to process some foods or release some toxins from his body due to improper methylation or other metabolic processes. If you have questions please contact me through my webpage www.naturallyoptimum.com. I would be glad to give you ideas and help you find some real help in your area.
Sincerely, Dr. Margarethe McLeod, ND
Thank you for sharing your experience. You are exactly right, our society has to stop ignoring and denying the mental illness problem we have. We turn the other way, don't want to acknowlege it. I had a spouse with whom I experienced similar issues to the ones you have with your son, he is bi-polar with schizophrenic tendencies, a rapid cycler who refused to take his medication much of the time. But after 10 years of beating my head into the wall trying to find real help with no success, when I felt I had to flee, I could - and did. My worst nightmare would be to have such a situation with one of my children. It's physically & emotionally exhausting to deal with a loved one with mental illness. It's not something you do sometimes, it's with you every minute of every day with no way out, for either of you. And there is no real help out there as you so eloquently stated. It's not just a problem of certain families, it's society's problem and it's way past time to own up to that & take action. It's a terrible shame that so many have had to endure so much suffering to get us to the point - let's hope there doesn't have to be more suffering before we can address it.
You are an amazingly brave woman. I hear you. Now, let the world hear you. On another note, enjoy your Steinway as music does give us the balm to heal our feelings. From a fellow pianist.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, please please tell us if there is anything we can do to help you get the treatment that Michael needs.
As a public school teacher in New Orleans I have worked with many children who have exhibited many of the same symptoms. I seen the rage you talk about often, many times just because a child was told "no" to sharpening his pencil. I have had to call EMT's to have students taken to a hospital. We had one student at 5 years old need 4 large male officers to contain him so we could put him on a hospital bed to remove him. Yet after all was said and done school administration asked 'what did you do to make him angry". This went on for 2 years and could be still happening as I left the school. All during these incidents we begged pleaded for a hospital bed, but as you say he calmed down and was only 5 years old. Mental illness affects us all. Thanks for your post.
Also, I recommend reading about Dr. Mark Hyman, his theories into what causes stuff like this is quite interesting, and worth pursuing.
I am curious as to why someone who is an anarchist is calling for more publicly funded research and more publicly funded school programs and publicly funded healthcare? We can't have any of these things without a government! Society has to be organized and we have to pay taxes to the right branches of the government in order to achieve anything. It sounds like this mom lives in a GREAT school district where there are lots of options for children with disabilities. I don't think she got there by getting rid of the government, in fact I would like to know now if I can move there. It sounds like a wonderful community! We get things like good schools and research efforts by coming together to elect people who put money into research and special needs programs.
Dear Lisa, Thank you for your very brave and poignant article. I think you should try the Alfred Tomatis Method..... and there is one centre in the US where you should do it, and that is with Liliana Sacaran from the Sacarin Centre in Seattle. I feel strongly it can help your son.... please look at www.listenwell.com.... you can also order "Listening for Wellness : An Introduction to the Tomatis Method" by Pierre Sollier from amazon.com. If you wanted to have a skype conversation to talk about how it might help your son, we could do that..... you can send me an email to mita AT auroville DOT org DOT in.
I love you and your son for this, and want to thank you for your honesty. This was beautiful, and difficult, and necessary.
Thank you.
Dear Soccer Mom,
I am a pre doc psychologist in S.CA. and have extensive experience (16 plus yrs, 5 yrs on the child and adolescent unit), working with children and mental illness. I am happy to provide you whatever resources or help you need.
There are some very positive things you can do to access help for your son. I'm not sure where you live, or what hospital you are dealing with but the procedures are the same. When the social worker told you to build a paper trail she was 1/2 right. But the paper trail needs to be a number of inpatient hospital stays, notes on behavioral outbursts, and medications tried, not juvenile justice, but mental health issues.
It sounds as if you already have the state funding in place for behavioral interventions at school. Now that funding needs to expand (and it can) so your son can go to Provo in UT, or a similar long term live in facility. Please contact me through my G blog Suzee and Alexa Soup sisters, or email at
Love and Prayers to you,
Suzee
My God -- I could have written this. Things are better right now, but over the summer, we too had our knives and sharps in a lockbox. We confiscated matches after we found them under our son's bed. We've made the trips to the hospital and been turned away because they are no longer accepting children that aren't "an imminent threat." (What the hell does that mean anyway? He threatened to kill himself for Christ sake.) I have pretty good access to services, and it's still a struggle. But so many are without them. We MUST do a better job. None of us want our child to be the next Adam Lanza. But for God's sake, help us prevent it.
Thank you for sharing your insight. I hope that by doing so it puts mental health at the forefront of national discussion. This needs to be addressed.
I wish you all the best with you and your son, and pray that your son gets the help he needs.
My only question is, Adam Lanzo's mother knew he had a mental illness (my own daughter is paranoid schizophrenic). Why on earth would she keep an arsenal in the home and take him to a shooting range to practice marksmanship. By her own admission she "loved the act of shooting, yet was still "worried about her son. While I am sorry that she was a victim, I believe she was part of the problem. I would NEVER think of putting a weapon willingly in my daughter's hand. Someone should have counseled her on this....someone should have spoken up.
I didn't real all the comments so if this was mentioned already please forgive me. My heart breaks for your situation and your family. A few years back I read a very moving book about a very similar situation titled "And I Don't Want to Live This Life", it is by Debbie Spungen...the mother of Nancy Spungen of "Sid and Nancy", the girl who was killed by her boyfriend Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols. But it is not about the sensationalism of Nancy's life, but the struggles of her family from the moment she was born. She was a toddler the first time she threatened to kill her mother. But other times she seemed the most loving child, also very high IQ. It tells of the struggles of the family to find someplace for Nancy, and eventually the lack of anyplace for her. As a society we need to do better if we are to avoid more tragedy.
My only question is, Adam Lanzo's mother knew he had a mental illness (my own daughter is paranoid schizophrenic). Why on earth would she keep an arsenal in the home and take him to a shooting range to practice marksmanship. By her own admission she "loved the act of shooting, yet was still "worried about her son. While I am sorry that she was a victim, I believe she was part of the problem. I would NEVER think of putting a weapon willingly in my daughter's hand. Someone should have counseled her on this....someone should have spoken up.
Thank you for your vulnerability and know that I am praying for you and your family. I pray for healing for Michael and his complete health. Thank you for sharing this beautiful reflection of your life. May God bless you!
Your child is an Indigo...angry at the systems full of lies in the world. he is here to rebel against it so that the structures of this outdated consciousness fall away and new one of more integrity emerges. by giving him choices and respecting and acknowledging his feelings is HUGE for an Indigo. that's one aspect.
the other aspect is he has methylation issues (gene mutations that make it hard for him to detox properly and assimilate his folic acid and B vitamins). Please google Amy Yasko's brilliant work on autism and healing it's core issue. these gene mutations (like MTHFR) coupled with environmental toxins injury (vaccinations, drugs, most mainstream food etc. etc.) create most of the autism, depresion, bipolar, OCD etc. you see. I know all this b/c I relate to your son even though I'm an older indigo at 42. I have serious sensory issues and was very defiant a a teenager/anger issues at authority (because i knew better than them and they tried to conform me to put it short). and have received harmful diagnosis.
I mirror one comment...at the very least get him on a gluten/casein free diet!! and off food dyes and preservatives in food (very least!). I recently found out about these gene mutations I have and am getting proper help for that now. Giving him drugs and threatening him with prison...OMG I shudder at this. this makes a monster out what could be a genius.
I just wanted to say that I think you are amazingly brave to share this story. I think and I hope that it will help someone else. I think you are one amazing mama
Have you looked into the Feingold Diet? The first thing I thought when I read this - the unpredictability, the sweet kid within, it's all textbook Feingold kids. It's a little challenging, but worth every bit of it to do. I'm sorry if it's something you've already tried, it just jumped into my head. Good luck and God Bless!
Thank you for sharing this post. I have a friend whose step son is exactly like your son. I had a cousin who had these same problems when he was young. He has been in and out of prison / jail his entire life.
I am sharing this post with friend who like you do not know where to turn. I am also sharing it with everyone I know and encouraging them all to share it as well.
Thank you for sharing something so personal and so painful. Your courage may be able to help your son or someone else's son someday. Who knows where it will lead but your post could be the start of the conversation we really need to be having.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
I grew up in a house with a (high functioning) autistic older brother. The autism made my brother's life very difficult, and he spent a lot of time angry, frustrated and hurting. At times he would lash out physically, both at me and at my parents. It was terrifying. We never owned any guns (we're in Canada), but I shudder to think what might have happened if we had. I relate to your experience. Thanks for sharing it.
Your child is an Indigo...angry at the systems full of lies in the world. he is here to rebel against it so that the structures of this outdated consciousness fall away and new one of more integrity emerges. by giving him choices and respecting and acknowledging his feelings is HUGE for an Indigo. that's one aspect.
the other aspect is he has methylation issues (gene mutations that make it hard for him to detox properly and assimilate his folic acid and B vitamins). Please google Amy Yasko's brilliant work on autism and healing it's core issue. these gene mutations (like MTHFR) coupled with environmental toxins injury (vaccinations, drugs, most mainstream food etc. etc.) create most of the autism, depresion, bipolar, OCD etc. you see. I know all this b/c I relate to your son even though I'm an older indigo at 42. I have serious sensory issues and was very defiant a a teenager/anger issues at authority (because i knew better than them and they tried to conform me to put it short). and have received harmful diagnosis.
I mirror one comment...at the very least get him on a gluten/casein free diet!! and off food dyes and preservatives in food (very least!). I recently found out about these gene mutations I have and am getting proper help for that now. Giving him drugs and threatening him with prison...OMG I shudder at this. this makes a monster out what could be a genius.
This is a very brave article about a tough situation - where it can be unclear what is the right thing to do, yet clearly something must be done. Some want to project their own experiences onto that of "Michael" - even disregarding statements in this article that set their case apart from his. It's not just about wanting to wear different types of pants, it's about the reaction to not getting his way - the manipulation, the threats of violence.
This isn't written in a bubble. It was knowingly written after a number of cases where people who did not get the mental health they needed committed acts of mass murder. I hope that help and answers are provided in this case and others.
What a powerful post. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I just wanted to say that I think you are amazingly brave to share this story. I think and I hope that it will help someone else. I think you are one amazing mama
You are an amazing mother. Thank you for your story.
So powerful and absolutely true. As a social worker who works with children, I fear for the future if many of them. Hoping your blog finds its way to Mr Obama and every senator and congress person we pay to run this country.
Thank you for writing this. People understand finger pointing better than mental health awareness. Thank you for making an effort to change that.
A Facebook friend posted a link to this post, and I found this article incredibly moving. My experiences are very different from yours, but we have some things in common.
Several years ago, we hospitalized our daughter during the worst of her episodes of suicidal depression. We worked hard to get her into what everyone deemed the best hospital in the state -- the help she -- and we -- received was underwhelming at best. But at least we were able to get her a hospital bed in a safe place. We were able to save her life. And we have good health insurance. So many families are not so lucky.
I love the way you write and think and your openness and honesty. I also love your blog's title and tagline. I'm adding you to my feed reader so I can follow your posts.
I have an idea. What if all or some of us parents who have children who fall into this situation were to get together. do you think that we may be able to find some commonalities and find some solutions? From reading this it is apparent that even those of us who have been able to afford the psyciatric and medical help still do not have answers, but what if together we could find solutions that help our children? I am going to be brave and put out my email address and if you are interested and have ideas of how we could corroborate or just want to be involved, email me. I am good w/ ideas, but not too good w/ organization, but I'll be glad to get it started. I think that collectively we may hold some answers. nasimpson2@hotmail.com, and please if you just want to rant at me that it is all my fault, please refrain from emailing me. You can't tell me anything that I have not told myself.
My child was headed down that same road your son is on. It is not too late. I found a program for kids like them. A free, public school program in my county, designed to help kids with behavior issues like theirs, including giftedness, to learn to get along in our world. The goal is to main stream them to regular classes by 5th grade. I also had to make the painful choice to leave my child with the father. I had to move away. Being the primary caregiver, my fears and my own issues, made my child much worse. I see m child every other weekend and holidays.Our family therapist was the one who told me to get away, that it was making us both worse. My clamping down, my control, my obvious disappointment in her, was killing us both. Sometimes when we try to manage them we are making it worse for them. The program is the North Metro program in Gwinnett County, GA. We need to fight to get more of these programs to help our kids early. It is free but there are not enough of these programs. Some kids have ODD, Aspergers, CP, depression, Bipolar. Most are undiagnosed. I also agree with the previous poster that said clamping down, being rigid makes them worse. It does. I know it seems they need that but it makes them more fearful and they lash out more. We are strict but not rigid anymore, we give more control to our child and use less authoritative language and tones. Acting like a jailer only produced a criminal for us.Our child said their life was like having someone scream in their ear and poke them constantly while everyone expected them to perform and behave normally. That was eye opening for me.
What a powerful post. I hope you delete the posts like Macey's and Travis' so we can concentrate on the solution here. You seem like a very loving and caring parent. I hope ignorance like theirs doesn't cause you to doubt your intuition about your situation.
But remember, you are his mother therefore you have an OBLIGATION to lock up your child if you think he is a danger to others. You will not singlehandedly change the mental health system, so you need to do everything in your power to make sure he will not shoot up a school. If that means putting him in jail, so be it. But please do not play this hopelessness card, because YOU and you alone have a responsibility.
Amen, you said it and you are in our thoughts and prayers. Our mental health system used to be broken. Now it is essentially non existent. Until we do something to help the mentally ill these kinds of things will continue tenfold.
Thank you for sharing this heartbreaking story. I have a friend whose step son is exactly like your son. I had a cousin who had these same problems when he was young. He has been in and out of prison / jail his entire life.
I am sharing this post with my friend who like you does not know where to turn. I am also sharing it with everyone I know and encouraging them all to share it as well.
Thank you for sharing something so personal and so painful. Your courage may be able to help your son or someone else's son someday. Who knows where it will lead but your post could be the start of the conversation we really need to be having.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
It takes so much courage to write what you did. Thank you for sharing a part of your life with us - all of us strangers.
Thank you. Thank you for writing this and for sharing it. My son is almost 11. He has Asperger's and Tourette's Syndrome. Like your child, my child is brilliant. He loves origami, Dr. Who, Legos, working with electricity, solar power, magnetism... He could be one of the men to solve a million energy crisis in his future. He is amazing. But he's also hurting and confused and sometimes he doesn't know what to do with himself. I am afraid for him, afraid for him growing up in a world that sees his label and thinks School Shooter, Psycho, Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid.
Thank you. I have felt very alone this weekend. I told my husband, I don't know which child to be afraid for, the one with all the issues or the perfect neurotypical 3rd grader I am sending to public school everyday. I just want to protect my babies, but I don't know how to do that.
I am a 65 year old man, and I was just like your son. I understand exactly how he feels. I'm a high-achieving Aspergers person and perhaps some of the things I felt when I was your son's age might help you to understand:
1. Other people are stupid. You are stupid too. He can't understand why you, and others, don't see things that to him are obvious. You prattle about fashion or friendships. He sees such topics as vapid at best, and wants to talk about advanced tech stuff. When you are unable to engage with him at that level, his view of you is of an inferior person.
2. Your emotions are of no importance to him at all. Whether you are happy or sad matters only to the extent that it affects his world. He doesn't have emotions in the sense that you have. Consequently he doesn't understand why his actions upset other people.
3. Right now he's 13 and I guess his hormones are urging him to make relationships with the opposite sex. Unfortunately, neurotypical girls place great emphasis on emotions, which he doesn't understand. He's likely to find it almost impossible to get a girl to go out with him more than once or twice. This frustration can lead to the kind of event that's just happened. Fortunately for me I grew up in a country where gun ownership is rare. Having said that, I was in my own way equally capable of killing in a murderous rage. Now, I have managed to control my tendencies but it wasn't easy. Then... I recall when I was studying in a town that was a parking nightmare. Three consecutive days, I carefully went to park my car the proper way, by reversing into the space, only for some antisocial idiot to drive into the space before I could begin reversing. The fourth day the same thing happened, and it was enough to put me over the edge. I took the wheelbrace and went for the guy. Fortunately for him he was a fast runner, after a hundred yards he managed to outdistance me. Lucky for him that he wasn't killed.
And so, (4), I would like you all to think on: there are many of us like this. Many of us with problems understanding "normal" people. So behave yourselves - do not behave like an asshole, it may be someone like me, or Adam, and your antisocial action may cost you a lot more than you bargained for.
What I have written is not to justify what has happened -nothing can do that - but to try to get you to understand.
I admire and appreciate you more than words can say. As I said on fb when I posted your profoundly moving and thoughtful article, not only do we need more access to mental health care, we firstly need to change the way we view mental illness as individuals and as a culture. As a mental health professional who is also a patient I deal with this daily. By sharing your life and thoughts so generously and eloquently you are making a tremendous difference in our world.
Thank you.
I believe they need to see a connection between the highly gifted and mental illness. They need to be challenged in school. They always say gifted children have ADHD. I will live with this regret the rest of my life. I put my son aon a generic version of Ritalin because school said he could not attend if I didn't. I am a working Mom and I kept him on it for that year of school. He would tap his pencil or sing in the back of the classroom, they moved his desk several times, they ended up having him skip a year because I told them he needed to be challenged that is why he was acting up. I told them to give him extra work in class so he wouldn't get bored. While on this generic brand of Ritalin - he was going to hit me with a very heavy metal object. I never saw this anger before in my son. I was scared he would hurt me. I then took him off the medicine as I knew this is what made him react in that way. I believe those that are gifted are classified incorrectly. While I know some must be on medicine because there brain does not produce seratonin they need - these medicines can also make them crazy and act incorrectly. I hope Michael's mother finds the best medicine for him. Keep trying to find what will work for him. What a shame society is the way it is and you can't even get him help unless you say he committed a crime. Best of luck to you and Michael and his siblings. That must be heartbreaking for them to see.
I will stand behind you, Michael's Mom..............I will stand behind you. I was raised by a Mentally Ill Mother.no one knows what true mental illness really is. you can inbox me if you truly want to do something.
There is nothing I can say that would comfort you. I have seen two families go through this. I would not have believed it otherwise. Thank you for doing your best for your son, for yourself, for all of us.
I know this is but one post on a blog, and only a short glimpse into your life. I have children who I thought might grow up to be like this, though through OT and other therapies have made great progress. What concerns me is that you talk about drugs, and hospitals, and therapies...but not the very root of what feeds the brain. FOOD. We need to ensure our children are feeding their brains the best way possible. Your son's outburst reminds me of corn allergy, and/or dye/preservative outbursts. Much of the food we consume today does NOT support healthy brains--everything from wheat to pesticides on food is slowing altering our brain function. Check out "Wheat Belly" by Dr. William Davis and other sites about corn allergies in particular.
Our brains CAN be healed without toxic drugs but only if we're putting non-toxic foods into our bodies.
Hi Liza, fantastic blog. I've read similar accounts of children and wonder if you've tried removing gluten from Michael's diet. It sounds crazy, but it has worked for others when nothing else has...
I read thru @Macey's comment and felt I needed to respond. Although there are hundreds of comments here, and mine is likely to be lost in the sheer volume of writing here, I feel it is important enough to make the effort.
The first point that needs to be made is that Macey's comment is FILLED with supposition and anger. ASM (my short-form reference for the blogger, Anarchist Soccer Mom) writes that she tries to respond affably to her son, and that even during his more wild and violent fits, she hugs him. You (macey) sound, unfortunately, very typically borderline, i.e., insofar as you demonstrate a profound need to find someone else to blame for everything, and you are quick to assign that blame, without patient and deliberate consideration of the facts. In truth I feel very deeply for the difficulties you face, but I will not stay silent while you try to demonize a loving mother who is human and trying desperately to find an answer. She has been through enough, I think.
You say that ASM is INSANELY selfish and should be ashamed of herself. How on earth do you come by this conclusion? Because you believe that she treats her child like a monster? Where in her blog did you get that from? No one hugs a monster, my friend. Perhaps you blame her for taking her child to an institution when he made murderous/suicidal threats? If so, then I'm afraid you are divorcing yourself from reality. Sure, children say hyperbolic things all the time, but any sane person knows that there is a difference between the rage-filled exclamations of a child and the chilling, calculated declarations of a capable thinker. You know them when you hear them. If we were to follow your line of thinking, then there really truly are no killers in all the world, just fairly innocent people who were frustrated and wanted someone to buy them an ice cream. You may dislike my over-simplification of your argument, and in fact I support you in that. However you must realize that you treated ASM's posting the same exact way. ASM has known her child to have a history of actually grabbing knives and making threats with them. You say, "But he's just a child!" Unfortunately, his age is ratherirrelevant when he is holding a knife and threatening to use it on his family, with the intellect to understand the reality of what he is saying.
You paint ASM as a cold, indifferent, illogical, xenophobic, insensitive, and selfish person. However, any rational reader will agree that these qualities are your own invention. YOu say that instead of actually trying to listen to her son to find where his anger or frustration is coming from, ASM is INCREDIBLY hostile towards him. Are. You. Kidding. Me. Where exactly did you get this from? Because this is editorializing out of thin air on your part. Where did you see hostility? Where? I genuinely am astonished in reading your comment. Perhaps you are enraged by ASM's instinct to punish her child for acting out. I cannot say that she is right or wrong in her approach, but even if she is wrong, labeling her as hostile is preposterous and delusional. Punishing severe behavior in a reasonable scale is a reasonable reaction. Hostility is by its definition UNreasonable.
To ASM, I read your posting and was moved by your pain and your fear. I truly hope you are able to find some solution and help your son to feel whole and at peace and be happy. Please know though, that the only thing that is in your hands is to do your best, and to give him as much love as you can. It is true that his choices are hundreds of times harder than ours, and some of them are scarcely choices at all - but they are not your choices - they are out of your hands. All you can do is try, and love. I wish you so much help, and hope, and happiness. And I so very much wish those things for your son.
These are classic signs of mercury or heavy metal poisoning. You can order a hair test from Doctors Data labs and it will help you see how poisoned he is. The mercury and heavy metals come from childhood vaccines, the flu shot, as well as in the womb if the mother has silver (mercury) fillings in her mouth. Frequent Low Dose Chelation as well as cleaning up his gut will help him dramatically. go to www.noamalgam.com for more info.
Have you looked into an illness called Anti-NMDA Autoimmune Receptor Encephilitis?
My brother's girlfriend, Susannah Cahalan, wrote a book about her personal experience with the condition. It's called "Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness". It was released last month and has brought incredible public attention to a rare, newly diagnosed condition.
Check out www.susannahcahalan.com
It may be something to look into. ?
My son suffers from Bipolar disorder and I have very familiar stories I could tell. We were able to get him to the right psychiatric hospital and he left our home for 6 months to get 24/7 treatment at a psychiatric community residence with 8 teenagers and 3 staff at all times. It was the best decision. He is on the right meds and we have learned the "right" way to talk to him so he does not escalate anymore. My heart goes out to you and I too think of Adam's struggles. My heart goes out to all those families who are grieving. You are so right. The thing we need to be talking about is getting help for mentally-ill teens.
Thank you for posting this. My heart goes out to you and I am sending you positive energy. I don't know if you have ever considered this but have you ever thought that certain types of things that your son eats is causing him to act this way? I have heard that food allergies or non holistic anti-depressant medicine can cause violent side effects to anyone. Some worse than others. Maybe instead of looking to western medicine you should keep an eye out for naturopathic or holistic doctors. They pay much closer attention to mental wellness and really look at natural ways to heal people. This doctor that I have kept in contact with has helped me through some rough times --> www.stevenenninger.com. He talks alot about hidden food allergies and how they can cause all types of symptoms. I hope this helps you. I really do believe that it's time all of us start focusing on mental wellness. As of right now I figure the best way is to help each other:) Much Love to you and your son.
My son suffers from Bipolar disorder and I have very familiar stories I could tell. We were able to get him to the right psychiatric hospital and he left our home for 6 months to get 24/7 treatment at a psychiatric community residence with 8 teenagers and 3 staff at all times. It was the best decision. He is on the right meds and we have learned the "right" way to talk to him so he does not escalate anymore. My heart goes out to you and I too think of Adam's struggles. My heart goes out to all those families who are grieving. You are so right. The thing we need to be talking about is getting help for mentally-ill teens.
I am so sorry for you and for Michael. These are classic signs of mercury or heavy metal poisoning. You can order a hair test from Doctors Data labs and it will help you see how poisoned he really is. The mercury and heavy metals come from childhood vaccines, the flu shot, as well as in the womb, if the mother has silver (mercury) fillings in her mouth.
Frequent Low Dose Oral Chelation as well as cleaning up his gut will help him dramatically. go to www.noamalgam.com for more info.
You are an amazing and strong mother. Keep fighting the good fight. I prayer it gets better for Michael, for you, and for your family.
Do not let the negative posts get you down. You are a brave woman for speaking out. Your bravery and desire to get help will be the catalyst for change.
My comment is not intended as a criticism of the parent and blogger, but as an open-ended discussion of the options that we choose from when dealing with behavioral issues among children - with particular interest in the topics of oppression and conformity. I feel that the actions the parent has taken point to these topics. -- How should we deal with shocking and even violent behavior from children? Our natural instincts may be to protect ourselves and others. While necessary, we may choose to do so to the extent and in such a way that we also end up estranging the ones who are misbehaving. But that results in a kind of separation doesn't it? How can that separation then be repaired or healed rather than reinforced? By force and oppression? By medication? By removal from society? Don't such choices just reinforce the separation and exacerbate the problem? (for example, teaching one's kids to run from their dangerous sibling to the safety of the car sounds very alienating and cold to me - a clear parallel to the "lock down" procedures drilled at schools - somehow out of place in the context of family and home). This child Michael's behavior is very frightening, but he is still a child. Children have a very limited knowledge and understanding of the world around them - as a result, they have very limited means for expressing their needs and feelings. This does not mean that violence is an OK choice for the child, but, for instance: Why is he attending such a school in the first place? Why is his disobedience and unhappiness framed primarily as mental illness? Why is hospitalization and medication - treating the symptoms - the solution here?
Thank you for this -- whenever a tragedy like this happens, one of my first prayers goes out to the mothers/fathers of these kids -- how painful it must be to be a parent of someone who hurts/kills other people --how to reconcile, how to not feel guilty, how to know it is out of your hands.....it is not your fault....
I am a mother of a child with a mental disorder, she is not violent, only to herself, and even then I had to do a lot of work on myself, accepting that I did not cause it, cannot control it nor can I cure it.
many blessings to you
Mental illness is a condition that must be dealt with on a individual bases. Some can be helped through therapy, some with medication and others need to be institutionalized. Thanks to budget cuts in mental health programs we do not have the resources to deal with even a fraction of these cases. It seems to be much more politically correct call for stricter gun laws than to deal with the reason for the violence. And it's a lot cheaper to.
We need to address metal disorders, but we also need to prevent weapons from getting in the hands of the mentally unstable. It is not okay for someone who is mentally unwell to access or purchase weapons.
My mom posted your link to my facebook page, and I was in tears as I read your post.
My son is now 4...and I am scared to death for his future.
Autism spectrum, adhd, anxiety, are just a few of the diagnosises that have been attached to him, along with behavioral therapy, a year long treatment in a psych ward, and various medication ranging from mood stabilizers to adhd medication.
Nothing is scarier than NO ONE knowing what is wrong with your child or being able to fix the problem. Nothing is worse than as a mother-your first priority being to be able to safely take down your child before he harms himself futher or hurts his younger siblings.
I share your heartache and I thank you for your posting in your blog. This is my life, and while I love my son more than anything- I fear for his safety and his future.
Sympathy to you and your family. Must be hell to deal with. Especially in a country that considers health services a 'benefit.' But I have to point out, that a big factor in this latest massacre is Ms Lanza's easy to access military grade gun cache. Plus, for what I've read, she was fairly wealthy and could likely afford care for her disturbed kid. Too bad she isn't able to see the montage of little kids who were brutally torn apart by the instruments of her cool fun "hobby."
Thank you for sharing your powerful story with us, may it be used as the catalyst to help our community members who suffer as your son and your family do. Words are not enough, but please know my prayers are with you.
'Anarchist Soccer Mom' please contact me at roadblock2424@yahoo.com I have some "off the wall" questions and ideas that, if you ever have the time, I would like to ask and suggest. Some things that I don't think anyone with a PHD thinks about is all. Thanks
My mom posted your link to my facebook page, and I was in tears as I read your post.
My son is now 4...and I am scared to death for his future.
Autism spectrum, adhd, anxiety, are just a few of the diagnosises that have been attached to him, along with behavioral therapy, a year long treatment in a psych ward, and various medication ranging from mood stabilizers to adhd medication.
Nothing is scarier than NO ONE knowing what is wrong with your child or being able to fix the problem. Nothing is worse than as a mother-your first priority being to be able to safely take down your child before he harms himself futher or hurts his younger siblings.
I share your heartache and I thank you for your posting in your blog. This is my life, and while I love my son more than anything- I fear for his safety and his future.
Powerful, very powerful. Thanks you.
He is a Psychopath. Get him in Hospital to be isolated ASAP, before he can harm you, your other kids and other people, as he most likely will. I feel so bad for you, but you must realize how dangerous it is to "hope" for better and take chances with your own safety and that of others. I am sorry, he is ill and he MUST be confined.
From this short introduction, your son Michael sounds a little like my son Christopher was, though perhaps more severe.
Since he was a toddler Chris became a handful. If things didn't go the way he wanted he would often go into attacks of rage that far surpassed the tantrums of even the naughtiest children. It was pretty much every weekend that I would pick him up under my arm and carry him kicking and screaming out of the mall after he didn't get something he wanted.
He loved television but no threats of denied TV privileges made the slightest bit of difference. He would seemingly just not care and then want to watch TV anyway. When we denied this because he was being punished this would more often than not simply trigger another attack of rage.
His first year at school was not too bad as he got on well with his teacher. But the next year he got a teacher that saw him as a naughty, disruptive child and would go head to head with him, rather than try to work around areas of conflict. After some months we were told that if we didn't get counselling for him the school would be forced to expel him.
He saw a number of doctors and psychiatrists, none of whom were very helpful. One day my wife, alone at home with him as he had refused to go to school, a fairly frequent occurrence, became so afraid of him that she locked him out of the house to wait for him to calm down. He would usually calm down after some time and become quiet and sleepy but this time he only did so after smashing a large window with his elbow, fortunately not injuring himself. Another time he threw a plank of wood he had in his bedroom at my wife who managed to slam the door in time and the plank knocked a hole in the door. When I got home that day I found him lying on his bed in a very dozy state and when I went to speak to him he asked who had broken his door. After chatting to him it was apparent he had no recollection of the incident. A child psychologist that he was seeing at the time was the first to detect the pattern of rage followed by quiescence and come up with an answer to the problem. She thought that he may suffer from temporal love epilepsy and we started to see neurologists and neurosurgeons in our quest for an answer.
Although they were never able to categorically prove that he suffered from TLE they started him on anti-epileptic medications that started to bring things around. They didn't control it but his attacks of rage (now recognised as seizures) decreased in frequency and severity.
He would still refuse to go to school on many days, seemingly unable to wake up and get out of bed and this lasted right through his school career. In hindsight as I write this I think those mornings were probably coming after nocturnal seizures while he slept.
Doctors predicted that the TLE would stop in his late teens and this is what happened. We had moved to a different city and the doctor treating him was adamant that he must continue taking medication until he could prove that the seizures were gone. The fact that they couldn't originally be proven to exist by ECG meant that this doctor was doing brain scans that were expensive and not fully covered by our medical insurance. In the end we decided that we would stop the medication and see how things went. He was probably eighteen at the time and has been fine since. He is now twenty-four and holding down a good job as a computer technician.
Forgive the long and rambling story, but as I see some parallels in what you've told me of Michael's behaviour I felt I should tell our story and urge you to raise with his doctors the possibility of some kind of epileptic disorder, should they not yet have considered this. Best wishes and hoping that some solution lies ahead for you.
This is mentally disturbed What are they thinking making a video game like this ?? It is made in honor of Jews Klebold and Harris.. Seriously this is beyond disturbing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRTrQ52nfgk
When you see a parent having trouble with their child, it's not a bad idea to ask if you can do anything to help instead of what many people tend to do- which is to look at the parent as if they cannot control their child. I work with identical twins with Autism. Look up the movie "The Miracle Run"
LMAO...my son has unilateral schizencephaly and has a shunt in his head that will have to be lengthened throughout his life....He has acted the same exact way and said the same exact things.....we babied him because of his condition and made a monster we are now tryin to retrain to respect his self and others. A few spankings later, alot of explaining why this is not acceptable behavior and calling his bluffs has almost ended these episodes. Now just 12 yrs of age he knows right from wrong and doesn't want to lose his privileges and rarely misbehaves anymore. Not saying every case is the same and mental problems are a very serious issue not to be lightly taken....but when government took away our rights to spank our children it seems their MENTAL issues became a wide spread epidemic and the meds started flying off the shelf. One more reason big government needs to stay in washington not in our homes. I just refuse to believe ppl are so blind to the real issues that have caused our society to downward spiral lol as long as ppl dont open their eyes to repair the damage of the right taken from us we will never be whole again.
Story is so painfully familiar. Living with a mentally ill child is hell on earth. It's a life that takes its toll on the parents' marriage as well.
The knife incident is one we imagined for our son. And it should be noted that, even with health insurance, child psychiatric help is not always available.
Thanks for sharing this story -- it's one that needs to be heard.
Please, for your son's sake as well as your whole family's health, stop using the old, worn out behaviorist model to try to keep your child in line. It clearly is not working for your son and has been shown not to work for any child, really. It is a heartless way to treat a child.
Instead, look into collaborative problem solving, and attachment promoting. Read everything you can by Gabor Mate. See: http://drgabormate.com/
See also:
http://neufeldinstitute.com/book
Also see:
http://www.parenting-with-love.com/discipline-and-loving-guidance/
As for behaviorism, here are some critiqures:
http://www.sntp.net/behaviorism/behaviorism_history.htm
http://www.mindcreators.com/Behaviorism.htm
http://www.trinityfoundation.org/journal.php?id=14
My son has had some of the same responses as yours, but I have not called the police on him or put him in the hospital. Instead I see that he is hurting and feeling cut off, rejected. The worst thing you can do to a child who is hurting is to send him away.
I don't see how you can call yourself an anarchist the way you invite the state to do more for your child. Anarchism is about freedom, and I don't see any freedom in your methods.
I could tell you that you're doing it all wrong, but others have already done that, and
LMAO...my son has unilateral schizencephaly and has a shunt in his head that will have to be lengthened throughout his life....He has acted the same exact way and said the same exact things.....we babied him because of his condition and made a monster we are now tryin to retrain to respect his self and others. A few spankings later, alot of explaining why this is not acceptable behavior and calling his bluffs has almost ended these episodes. Now just 12 yrs of age he knows right from wrong and doesn't want to lose his privileges and rarely misbehaves anymore. Not saying every case is the same and mental problems are a very serious issue not to be lightly taken....but when government took away our rights to spank our children it seems their MENTAL issues became a wide spread epidemic and the meds started flying off the shelf. One more reason big government needs to stay in washington not in our homes. I just refuse to believe ppl are so blind to the real issues that have caused our society to downward spiral lol as long as ppl dont open their eyes to repair the damage of the right taken from us we will never be whole again.
Thank you for sharing your experience...as someone who works with children and families who struggle with these issues I am woefully aware of both the lack of tangible and intagible supports...it is such a critical piece of the discussion.
Beautiful blog post, I've shared it. So many loving insightful comments from your readers. Bless you and I hope you and your son get to experience steadier days ahead with a successful treatment.
Thank you for your story. It's particularly relevant in light of the shooting in Connecticut and the constant drumbeat for gun control by the liberal politicians and the dominant media.
I reposted your post on my blog, including the cute picture of your son. You can see it here: http://turophiles2cents.com/2012/12/16/mass-murder-homelessness-and-gun-control/
My question is, why do most of these children have such a high IQ? That has always bothered me. I think there should be more investigation into this. I have a Grandson with similar problems and he has a daughter with problems. They are both extremely intelligent but he has never been able to function in a classroom. His daughter is not even 3 years old yet and is exhibiting the same problems. School was a very painful time for my grandson because he couldn't get the kind of attention that he needed. I hate to think of my great grand-daughter having to go through the same things that he did. 17
In 2009 I went through the same thing with my then 12 year old brother - He threatened to kill himself almost every week, throwing punches and kicking me and my parents whenever they said "no" to anything. But of course every time the cops came he would calm down and say he didn't mean it. It wasn't until I had to pull a bottle of pills out of his hand that they finally admitted him to the hospital for a few days.
We must've called the police a dozen times before that day, but to think that he actually had to attempt suicide for anyone to realize he needed help makes me sick to my stomach - what if I wasn't there? What if I didn't grab the pills out of his hand? My family would've been blamed for "not getting him help sooner," when really that's all we were trying to do.
I was 15 then, and I am 18 now, just finishing up my first semester of college away from home. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't worry about my brother's safety .. What if he tries again and I'm not there to save him this time?
"his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises." I in no way wish to trivialize your experience but in dogs we see a similar behavioral pathology where, in a dog with an otherwise normal and pleasant personality the pupils dilate and the dog becomes dangerously aggressive. It is common in spaniels and is often called "Rage syndrome". When I was in graduate school at UPenn on of my professors was studying it with the idea that it might be similar to a human condition which at that time was called "episodic dyscontrol(ED) or, more precisely, as intermittent explosive disorder (IED)".
I looked at current references for IED and ED and did not see much work being done on it recently. Here is a link to an older article linking it to temporal lobe epilepsy. Has your son been evaluated for temporal lobe epilepsy.
The research work in the dogs OF ed done by Dr Peter Jezyk was not particularly successful. As I recall he told me there was a similar pattern - 7 time commoner in males than in female and originating in puberty and passing with late middle age.
I was told by a research psychiatrist I knew at the time who was at NIMH that research with ED was unpopular because of the danger involved.
However it seems to me that this is a time to try and reawaken interest rather than just letting people affected with ED end up in the criminal justice system and that there is a potential for an animal model using rage syndrome dogs.
I have delt with such dogs in our boarding kennel because we have the ability to house them in comfort without danger to ourselves or other dogs and I know that most of these dogs were not abused. They are however scarey and highly unpredictable.
God bless you and your family. It pains me to know the words will probably fall on biased and deaf ears but, for the love of everything holy please try Cannabis with your son Michael. I used to display all the same characteristics as your son, it wasn't until i became a regular cannabis user that I was able to slow down and take control. I have sever adhd an IQ off the charts and have been diagnosed with manic deppresion and bipolar, I've never taken any perscription meds "after the first three days on some" and I am a productive loving member of society now. Cannabis is less toxic for you son than clean air or water, it is worth a shot, good luck. God Bless!!!
thank you ASM and thank you shmengsola
thank you, and I agree. Keep speaking up and out! It will help us change.
Forgot to paste link to article:
Affective aggression in patients with temporal lobe epilepsy
A quantitative MRI study of the amygdala
http://brain.oxfordjournals.org/content/123/2/234.short
Mental illness is a broad spectrum, just like other chronic medical conditions. We must start being more open about our personal stories, no matter how severe the illness, in order to bring awareness, funding and care to the disease. Here's my story on depression and thoughts of suicide...http://huff.to/UHwMPS
God bless you and your family. It pains me to know the words will probably fall on biased and deaf ears but, for the love of everything holy please try Cannabis with your son Michael. I used to display all the same characteristics as your son, it wasn't until i became a regular cannabis user that I was able to slow down and take control. I have severe adhd and an IQ off the charts and have been diagnosed with manic depression and bipolar, I've never taken any prescription meds "after the first three days on some" and I am a productive loving member of society now. Cannabis is less toxic for your son than clean air or water, it is worth a shot, good luck. God Bless!!!
Please pray to Saint Dymphna for your son. You can also search for her website to read her history.
God Bless You and your Son :-)
This prayer to saint Dymphna, printed below, succinctly identifies her as the well-known patron saint of those with mental or nervous disorders or mental illness.
Good Saint Dymphna, great wonder-worker in every affliction of mind and body, I humbly implore your powerful intercession with Jesus through Mary, the Health of the Sick, in my present need. (Mention it.) Saint Dymphna, martyr of purity, patroness of those who suffer with nervous and mental afflictions, beloved child of Jesus and Mary, pray to Them for me and obtain my request.
(Pray one Our Father, one Hail Mary and one Glory Be.)
Saint Dymphna, Virgin and Martyr, pray for us.
Thank you for sharing your story. My wife and I have lived through this nightmare, too. All the while, trying to maintain normalcy for our two younger sons. We finally had to place our son in a special residential program, but we are dreading the day he turns 18 next year.
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I'm a social worker who works in mental health, and have experiences like you speak of in my family of origin. My brother was as your son is today, but is now a successful professor who has learned to cope with his impulses and feelings of rage when our mental health system knew how to best respond.
If I can say anything hopeful, it is that practitioners such as myself will continue to get involved as best as we can, and will continue to advocate for legislature that focuses on a long term solution which involves the mental health system rather than prison. Stay strong!
You are amazing! I wish you and your family a solution and peace.
Bless you for sharing. You are a great mom and doing the best you can. Your courage in sharing will help others.
I empathize with you. your sons behaviors are nothing new to me been dealing with these issues with two of my children and my grandson. For 30 years now and for 7yrs as a Psychiatric BSN RN. We need research, and proven tx programs, medications and therapies that are effective. Parents need advocates and health care professionals going the extra mile. I believe highly in genetic testing it wont give you a cure but it does help determine the origin of the illness and guides the future treatment for your child. Just know you are in my heart I feel your frustration and pain hugs to you and contact me any time Karen Darby BSHS., BSN RN karencori5@gmail.com
As I read this, I kept thinking "She's talking about my Justin!" My son is only 11but the story is so similar its eerie! My heart goes out to you because I am right there with you! I have been since my child was a toddler. I have no idea what to do next and just pray that my child is never one that does something like this! Thank you for posting! Now I know that my child is not the only one.
My heart and prayers go out to you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and fears.
Do not pay any attention to those like Travis who have NO idea what you are doing and going through.
I believe that you are doing everything possible in your power to protect both your son and those around him.
I will be praying for the both of you.
Oh yes our system sucks for helping people like this!
I would LOVE to discuss this issue further with you and others, through email or, perhaps, some Group Forum. I think we could learn a lot by comparing notes and start helping our children. Your child's behavior is not surprising to me at all, since I have a child whose shown similar behaviors.
My 12-year-old daughter has been diagnosed with Asperger's and ADHD. While many kids with these diagnoses have tantrums, some have tantrums that are much more intense, more violent, long-lasting.
While my daughter's tantrums are not as bad as your son's, what you described about your son's tantrums is nearly identical to how my daughter becomes. It's completely analogous to "Jekyl and Hyde", or even to "The Hulk" (for super-hero fans) -- they are fine, sweet kids normally, but when set-off, they become foul-mouthed, violent, hateful demons. My daughter, like your son, is brilliant academically and artistically. Emotionally and socially, however, they are extremely immature. This enormous skill imbalance is a big part of the problem.
Medication helps little, largely because we're likely not dealing with a "chemical" issue, but an issue with neurological structure or functioning.
Anyway, I could go on and on about this and what I've learned. Again, if there's any way we could communicate, I'd be very interested in that.
One other interesting anecdote. On Friday, my daughter heard about the shooting when one of her teachers was watching a news report on the Internet (which should never have happened). This made my daughter very anxious and sad.
Her behavior deteriorated for the next two hours, to where she ended-up having a moderate tantrum. After she finally calmed-down some, in the course of discussing the situation, her teacher told her that she needed to calm down, because she "didn't want to become like that school shooter."
In short, there's an enormous lack of knowledge of these conditions, even by psych professionals. Therefore, it's up to us, who have such children, to start making our needs known and getting more attention paid to these issues by the psych research community.
Problem with treatment is that amongst the drugs' side effects is violent hallucinations and violent acts that we see repeating themselves.
"The correlation between psychiatric drugs and acts of violence and homicide is well documented – both by international drug regulatory warnings and studies, as well as by hundreds of cases where high profile acts of violence/mass murder were committed by individuals under the influence of psychiatric drugs.
"In determining what would prompt a person to commit such brutal and senseless crimes, the press must ask the right questions, including: What, if any, prescribed psychotropic drugs the perpetrator may have been on (or in withdrawal from).
Nearly every mass school shooting has involved a minor under the influence of psychiatric drugs, as well as many other highly cited cases, an example of which we have listed below.” - Citizens Commission on Human Rights International
Seems the problem is the parent. Resulting in behavioral problems.
Then, instead of accepting the fact his behavior is a reflection of your parenting, you get him labelled with "diseases" and disorders and medicated. Instead of actual cognitive therapy that he needs.
It is extremely saddening how many parents are willing to brand their children with a disorder for life, so that they dont have to face the truth that the issues are more often than not due to parenting.
When your son gets older and hates you, remember why.
Everyone in this world should be praising this brave anarchist soccer mom who was willing to share her story. And instead of victimizing poor Nancy Lanza, herself a victim, we need to understand that she probably shared many of the same experiences of the "thinking the unthinkable soccer mom." I am so sickened by all of the "mother blaming" of Nancy Lanza and the "parents are divorced" explanations that are going on to try to explain the Adam Lanza atrocities. And to the media: stop interviewing these "neighbors" of the mother, Nancy, the victim, who themselves are looking for 5 minutes of fame. How dare they even try to "guess" what that poor woman must have lived through. People need to stop asking why...the why is obviously a serious mental illness. That's it. Period. And having access to outrageously disgusting assault weapons certainly made it a lot easier for him to commit the act. Until children with mental illnesses are viewed in the same way that kids who get cancer are, it isn't going to change. He was not a monster, just a very sick boy and our society needs to bring mental illness out of closet and provide consistent community support, nothing will change. Let's talk about treating the mentally ill like patients and not, convicts.
I really hope you get this. My son was just like yours. Everything you said. I'm not sure where u live but please please look into Green Chimneys in Brewtser, new York. It's a therapeutic residential setting as well as a working farm. It has made my son's life so much better. They're currently working with Yale using dialectical behavior therapy which is teaching him to handle the way he is. It's given this whole family a new lease on life. My school district pays for it as it is his school placement. At least look at their website. After two years there, I actually have hope for my son and can see him functioning well in society. And I have a life back. You don't have to live like this. Email me to discuss and compare notes mcecere823@yahoo.com. Xoxo Melissa
Ps beware zyprexa. It could activate him.
I have lived what you are living, I ended up taking my son to UofM Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Center in Ann Arbor Michigan, he has been hospitalized at 2 Rivers an inpatient mental health facility in Kansas City Missouri. I am happy to report that at 24 years old he has never shot anyone, and is much, much better. Getting excellent mental health treatment can make a world of difference. Read the book, "The Difficult Child" by Dr. Stanley Turecki. MOST IMPORTANT, DON'T EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR CHILD. There is hope
I can't relate to your exact story, and don't need to. We all have a story. Mine was one of chronic illness that started in my late teens and lasted for 8 years. This followed an emotional charged childhood from which I learned it's not okay to have feelings and not okay to share them; ie. "I'm not okay as I am."
I determined during my illness, that I would not only heal my body, but that I would heal on all levels. I just didn't know what that meant at that time.
We unfortunately have lost touch with nature, our bodies, our emotions, and our minds. There are answers out there. Therapy is one. Over the years I learned many other healing modalities through books and the many amazing people I had the opportunity to work with. I meditate and practice stretching daily. I eat well, mostly organic when I can, and don't drink sodas, limit sugar, use flax seed oil, etc.
I have also sought help through Acupuncture, gentle Chiropractic, and Energy Balancing, journalling, Supplements, etc.
Best Regards.
All I can think of to say is God bless you and keep you and thank you for your brutal honesty.
We also need to look at the mix of pharmaceuticals we are pouring into our kids -- and ourselves. These drugs help only 14% of people who take them (60 Minutes, 2012). They are dangerous and often -- rather than help -- exacerbate the problem. The mix of chemicals can make a sick person sicker. And when the person does not get better, we add more or mix new combinations. The ones who benefit from this are the pharmaceutical companies, and they will do anything to keep the flow going. Big money. Big lobbies. Much like the arms industry and the NRA. Only the drugs are
killing us softly.
THanks for sharing a piece of your feelings and days with us. Have you thought about nutrition for Micheal? Has he been vaccinated since Birth? I know, I know, you might be thinking, "what does this have to do with mentally ill children?". I think it has alot to do with it. The right minerals and nutrients could hep his brain tremendously. Try giving him berry smoothies in the morning, take sugar meat and dairy out of his diet. This could work. I am 100% confident about this. Please take this with an open mind, and try it. I have had friends detox mentally ill their children and seen results. :) Much love and success to you
I have lived this. My oldest daughter has been in and out of mental hospitals, therapists, we've had a family therapist come to the house, and the lady told me she could not see anything I was not doing. It didn't work. There is no diagnosis. She is now in placement, because I could no longer endanger her or my other children. It is the hardest decision I've ever made. I love my daughter. I sought every possible kind of help available. So to all that would say what a horrible parent I am--what would you do? I couldn't leave her alone in a room. She may hurt herself or one of her siblings. It was terrifying and heartbreaking. Until you know what you're talking about, do not judge this woman. I talk to my daughter every day on the phone. I see her as often as we are able to visit. I hold her, and hug her, and pray that something can change.
Thank you for your story. I feel and have been through this. I grew up with a matricidal/siblicidal brother. Doctors, police, institutions-nothing helped. He left my mother dead roses for Mother's Day. He called her the "C" word often. He AWOL'd from an institution 50 miles away from our house when he was 13. They would all just throw up their hands and blame it on bad parenting. I was afraid to sleep at night because he threatened my life. But on his "good" days, he was brilliant. He died a few years ago at age of 44 from drug and alcohol addictions but not before trying to strangle me. I am not sad he is gone. I don't have to fear him anymore. It's a sad thing to have to say. He was my brother. We were only 10 months apart.
But now, I fear again. My husband and I now have a family gathering for a bar mitvah in a couple of months in Toronto. My husband's nephew (uncle to the young man who is being bar mitzvahed) is a diagnosed schizophrenic who is also matricidal. He has attacked people on the streets, been institutionalized. My husband's sister has fought long and hard to convince the courts that he should not be out on the streets to no avail. He will just have to kill somebody before they keep him, I suppose. That being said, my fear runs high that he will do something at this event where hundreds of family memebers will turn out. I have been told that I am being over reactive by one family member. My fears are real and I would have to think that his sister (whose son is being bar mitzvahed) must be considering this issue as well. I know that she cannot exclude her brother from this event. Who knows how that would set him off.
We wonder why we as a society are becoming so closeted and desocialized? Recent events will give you that answer. Though I agree with tighter gun control, we need to get a tighter reign on mental health issues and start providing adequate facilities for the understanding and treatment of the brilliant minds that just cannot function on this earth at such a "basic" level. As well, help is needed for those that are just "evil", We are now in an era where it is manifesting itself in this terribly tragic and profound way.
Thank you for writing and sharing this piece.
I hope for you and your son peace, understanding and a wondrous future.
Thank you for posting this. It's been bothering me for days now to see people attack this kid, calling him a monster, saying he should rot in hell, even the day it happened when nobody had a clue what the situation was. I thought it seemed pretty obvious that someone doesn't do something like this unless there is some severe mental trauma. It is SO nice for me to see someone touch on that point from experience. I'm so sorry that you have had to deal with something no mother should; it would be heart-breaking to me as well to have not other choice, but to admit my child. My son is mildly autistic and I barely ever get to even cuddle him or hug him. He is always pushing me away and that alone is enough to make me very sad. Thank you for giving people a chance to see a side of our society that most do not pay mind to.
I don't even know how to convey my thoughts on your article. I can only say that I have lived it, that horrible twilight nightmare of violent, mentally-ill children. Thank you for approaching the topic with such frank honesty.
May God help you for wearing an I Love Che shirt.
What a guy he was, huh? Rapist, murderer, and a dictator's right hand man.
Ya, let's wear a shirt to show respect for his life.
As I once did, I hope you meet a Cuban who let's you know how Che ruined their life.
http://findthesimplethings.blogspot.ca/
Christine, another Mom
I cannot fathom what you must go through. My heart hurts for you and your family. I hope that the great debates that erupt after each and every mass shooting change now to focus on the human side of these disasters. Mental health care needs to be as much or more of a concern to us all as gun control has become.
I feel your pain. You exercise superhuman bravery each and every day, and have also exhibited great courage in sharing your story with us. Your challenges with Michael are also terribly isolating, for you, him and your family, making an impossible situation even lonelier. That being said, I am shocked and profoundly saddened by the huge number of people responding to your blog post because they recognize their own struggle in your words. May we all help carry each other, and may our voices rise up together to create healing and coping that can offer genuine, lasting help. Keeping everyone at the heart of my prayers and sending love.
What a brave soul you are. Prayers for you and Michael.
http://findthesimplethings.blogspot.ca/
Christine, another Mom
You seem to be a woman that cares for her son. It is true that we need to talk about mental illness but I am not sure if you have read the news. You compared yourself with Nancy Lanza which I feel it is wrong. Because as we know now Nancy taught how to shoot her kid, didn't recognize that he was ill and didn't have her guns in a safe secured place. So maybe we need to start talking about good parenting.
I am so sorry for what you and your family (including Michael) are going through. I stand with you in the hope that resources will be redirected to the mental health care system where they belong. Thank you for sharing your story; it must have taken tremendous courage to do so.
May God help you for wearing an I Love Che shirt. C'mon, Soccer Mom, set a better example for kids. You know what Che did to Cuban people, right?
What a guy he was, huh? Rapist, murderer, and a dictator's right hand man.
Ya, let's wear shirts to show respect for his life.
As I once did, I hope you meet a Cuban who let's you know how Che ruined their life.
Thank you so much for this. I also live a similar life with my 17 year old. I am terrified of what will happen in less than a year when I can't make decisions for him anymore...there is no help for us....there never was...all the therapy, doctors and meds we've been through all these years aren't going to matter when he gets mad at me and won't let me be there to keep him on track. I so appreciate your bravery in saying all the things that I could never say....
From the bottom of my heart I wish you to find peace and help! Thank you for writing this and with it giving thousands of people an insight into mental health issues.
I really appreciate you posting this because it's an important aspect of this story to tell. You should cite this story though. It was written by Liza Long in the Blue Review. I looked for a way to email you this offline, but couldn't find one.
My son thankfully is not voilent ...he has PDD low functioning and severe adhd and now possibly a rare form of down syndrome ... since Starting an all natural suppliment called LTO3 his moods have stabilized ,...we have not seen a fit of any kind in half a year and his focus and will is 10x higher ... http://www.herb-e-concept.com/ca/en/our-products/lto3/
I understand your pain, and anxiety. I have 2 sons on the autism spectrum, who are doing fine right now, but went through many difficult times in the beginning of adolescents. They would become explosive, when life became too difficult for them. Fortunately, we are past that now. Years ago I met another mom whose child is on the spectrum, and that led me to meeting more parents in our area with special needs children. We began a support group (informally at first) then one of the local colleges sponsored the program to give their student's real life experience with families.
I worked for our school district, so my children were given advantages other kids were not, which I think is wrong. I used to be a bulldog when it came to getting my children the help they needed in school, and never let up. Our district eventually put in programs designed for kids like mine, because of our collective voices, insisting that the kids get services they need. I just want to say, don't give up. Do as much research as you can about your child's behavior, and make sure that the school is knowledgeable about his/her needs. And most of all-create alliances with other parents, because they are out there, and they can become your life saver, when things are tough.
Tere is a resource- not much in English unfortunately but please start from reading just this and it will open your eyes.
http://www.yburlan.ru/forum/children-at-school-held-at-gunpoint-1443.html
My thoughts and prayers are with you as you struggle down this road.
One quick thought: as a dog trainer, I never want to discourage a dog from growling. That is the dog's way of warning that he is in an uncomfortable place, and that he might have to take action if his needs are not met.
As terrifying as it is to hear your child say he wants to kill someone, you or family or himself, if he is expressing himself with words then at least you know what's going through his mind. If he gets punished for verbalizing his thoughts, he might act on those thoughts without giving anyone any warning.
I very much appreciate your blog, and opening the dialogue of treating mental illness. Thank you for your courage and strength.
This is so sad..saw this on Facebook and it led me to here. I have a stepson who has ADHD, R.A.D. and F.A.S.D. and I live thru your terror too...my 4 children know the safety plan too. It's so sad that my other children have to grow up with a life like this. My son needs mental help too but there's nothing for him. Govt cut the mental services here in Canada.The sad thing is even if we give him up; he will automatically be given back to his drug addicted birth mom and abusive grandmother which doesn't solve the problem. Social services is more interested in saving money by returning him to his birth mother. We went as far to find an adult group home for FASD adults like him; 2 hours from us with no bus services to our home. We did this to keep our family safe. He's on medication for his rages which helps but he still has rages but it doesn't go too far when he's on meds. Group home is what he needs so they can ensure he keeps taking his meds or he won't be taking them on his own.
May God help you for wearing an I Love Che shirt.
You know what he did to Cubans, right? What a guy he was. Rapist, murderer, and a dictator's right hand man.
Ya, let's wear a shirt to show respect for his life. Shoot, let's dress like him for Halloween and go trick-or-treating with kids!
As I once did, I hope you meet a Cuban who let's you know how Che ruined their life.
what can i do to help?
There is a resource- not much in English unfortunately but please start from reading just this and it will open your eyes.
http://www.yburlan.ru/forum/children-at-school-held-at-gunpoint-1443.html
what can i do to help?
The only thing that matters at this point is how can we help you? Is it money, awareness, are there just no good programs? There are people reading this blog who know people in mental health, people who know how to fundraise, people who work in government.
You need help. So let's help you. Tell us how.
You're right - your son does NOT belong in jail. Please check this place out - http://www.woodlandhills.org/. They have a mental health program and may be able to help you and your son. It's in Duluth, Minnesota and is a residential program whose aim is treatment and teaching and getting kids to a more healthy place. They've made a difference for a lot of situations like yours. Good luck with everything!
My son has pdd low functioning as well as severe adhd./..thankfully he is non violent ... since starting an all natural supplement called http://www.herb-e-concept.com/ca/en/our-products/lto3/
lto3 his moods have improved to the point of no fits or self harming for almost 6 months.... he is a different child...we tried the medications for adhd etc and had nothing but issues ...
First Part - I must post in 2 separate posts because of the character limit.For those who are suffering from mental disease or who have family members suffering from mental disease, please contact me - Ann Wilson Kingsley - via Facebook, so that I can share an Alternative Medical treatment protocol that cures mental disease.(The Protocol is 11 pages long, so I cannot post it here.) There are also very powerful prayers that stop suicide and aggressive behavior by clearing the nervous system. I have been blogging variations of the information below at intervals for over a year and blogging on every web site I can find since the Connecticut tragedy.
Allopathic Medicine has no cure for mental disease. That is the problem. Ancient Natural and Alternative Medicine had cures for chronic disease; however, treatment of chronic disease starts with expert diagnosis and ability to evaluate treatments. Allopathic Physicians, including Psychiatrists, have no diagnostic techniques, relying exclusively on limited laboratory tests and patient statements for diagnosis. Pretending to handle the problem of mental illness is not going to get the job done no matter how much more money is put into the mental health system. Nothing will be done to change the outcome for those suffering from mental illness or their victims because Psychiatrists do not have the skills to solve the problem. In order to solve our societal problem, the solution below needs to be implemented to end chronic disease for sufferers of mental disorders and their victimization of others.
Natural and Alternative Medicine uses 3 diagnostic techniques very successfully: Those techniques are Iridology, Kinesiology (Saliva DNA Testing), and Expert Oriental Pulse Diagnosis. Iridology is accomplished via a camera linked to a computer. Kinesiology (Saliva DNA Testing) can even be done from a distance by mailing DNA swabbed cotton balls to a physician experienced in the art. Expert Pulse Diagnosis can either be Chinese or Indian Ayurvedic, but I much prefer the Chinese method because the Chinese physicians appear to have never accepted the ancient dirty spiritual practices into their medicine, unlike in Ayurvedic Medicine. Expert Pulse Diagnosis takes the most time to learn, but is absolutely necessary for any physician who wants to diagnose chronic disease or assess a patient’s status and the efficacy of treatments. A combination of these diagnostic techniques gives cross-verification to the physician. And, the first 2, Iridology and Kinesiology (Saliva DNA Testing), will aid the physician’s diagnosis, until he is expert in Oriental Pulse Diagnosis. (Distance pulse diagnosis can be accomplished via a lock of hair by keying in on [DNA], just as can be done in Kinesiology Saliva Testing.) Allopathic Physicians face severe incompetence in every area besides the Operating Room and treatment of infection, demonstrating a Dark Age lack of knowledge. Many people believe this ineptitude is due to a stranglehold on Allopathic Medicine by the pharmaceutical industry, but this problem is also due to ingrained arrogance and incompetence on the part of Allopathic Physicians. The State of Texas refusal to accept a mental health diagnosis from anyone other than an Allopathic Physician bears witness to entrenched ignorance on the part of state regulators.
Where's the boy's father? Does MIchael feel abandoned, rejected, powerless? How was his mother in early childhood? I don't see a single word in this piece that attempts to understand the source of the boy's rage -- and I have no doubt that lack of understanding contributes to, if it's not the source of, this child's problems.
It's possible he a neurological issue, such as autism -- but it's also highly likely family dynamics is at play. How pitiful that our society refuses to address the issues of inadequate parening for fear of "blaming the mother." In the meantime, children suffer.
My heart goes out to you. We are using nutritional information to help with our son. Try Dianne Craft "Biology of Behavior" www.diannecraft.com Best wishes to you and your family.
As a mother I am in awe of your willingness to be vulnerable, criticized and berated. I know you did this sacrificially to be the voice of us that have children with disorders that are complex and disturbing. This is a problem that is REAL and parents all over the world need support and help. There seems to be a monumental lack of knowledge and treatment for these disorders. Even the best doctors have no concrete answers. There is no surgery, no chemo, no medication that cures. Please consider starting some type of organization. You are a hero.
gib this is not a comment to you -yet rather my response to this holier that holy -riddled with gaping holes -hole bunch ov crap... i don't by it -good story -just like many -though also just like most -only a 1/4 true -and written in such a way to distract from the REAL issues...
i LOVE how just like with MOST troubled kids one has ever seen on TV on a show. the one thing that sticks out is ALWAYS -no father figure. these mothers would sacrifice carer for med. benefits -yet are so self absorbed they couldn't possibly STOOP (as they'd see it) to have a man in their child's life -or are to effed upped them selves to even see they are the problem (adding to why they ain't got no man -or male figure -or even the good cop bad cop. ya need two -just like light and dark -just like light and moister) -and suffer from an illness too... what NEEDS to be addressed is EVERY thing -and EVERYONE has some form ov mental illness. the satanic desire to excel and become #1 IS an illness -a twisted desire -nurtured by the powers whom LOVE their slaves -$ hungry -cutthroat -blood thirsty -and full ov glutinous desire -thus it is the "norm"...
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFuKKKKK THAT!!!!!!!!!!
sure there are legit cases ov mental illness which deserve attention from 24hr watch & meds. -yet come on XD this TOOL made such a HUGE deal out ov pants -that she brought on the ambulance bill herself ---STUPID!!! what was going to happen if he went to school with blue pants? OMG he might get looked at as being different -or get reprimanded by an authority figure... caused to stand on his own two feet with out his over parenting mommy... ooooooooowwww O.O sssssooooOOO terrifying...
live in fear you stupid mother F^&*Ker -that's your problem in the first place "those who fear shall suffer" -and that is in your aura -which projects outward -thus making you a victim -thus an easy target -thus PRAY on a subliminal level in fact...
no mother alone -nor no father alone -is good enough to bring ANY child up -and raise them with out issues... sure a gay couple could bring a child up too -yet even there - is one whom plays fem. -and the other plays dom. even if switching.
yet AGAIN EVERYONE has issues -everyone is mentally ill -just fucking admit it you cowardice greater than though fuck pig money whores...
let's talk about that slick... ?
(addressing the article and any other article as such)
*selects msi's smf track presses play -and cranks that noise*
Please contact me. I raised a child who sounds so similar to Michael that its eerie. He is now 30 and much better than anyone ever thought he would be. I am 50 and in private practice as a mental health practitioner. (I went back to school and became one so that I could help my son because no one else seemed to be able to do so)I did some things right, some things wrong as a parent. Your instincts are good. The legal system will make things worse. I might have some suggestions for you that are helpful based on my own experience.
Macey's comment was AMAZING!!!
In addition, I work with parents with such children and I find that adjusting their diet, and changing parenting ways makes a giant difference.
For many children, the anger is a direct results of innocent parenting mistakes. It is not that they become easy children when we change, but, their good side can be what leads the way if we learn to deal with their sensitivities with more wisdom and if we learn to prevent the underlying sense of rage and helplessness.
Where is dad? I seem to notice a lack of engaged fathers around these situations. A woman raising a son without a strong male figure around, particularly one she is married to, has a strong correlation to a myriad of social problems. Ann Coulter documents this extensively in her last book and her column here: http://bit.ly/UqfuIQ.
Of course you need help; you need help from a man who is the boy's father or at least acts like it. But it may be too late. Sorry.
Thank you so very much for posting your story. I'm sharing it in the hope, at least, to make more people aware of this problem. I had a boyfriend I loved that had schizophrenia, so I can relate. I wish you will have the help you need, and will do what I can to make your voice heard. THANK YOU! Keep your courage, don't lose heart! You are not alone.
Actually, it is better to start reading from here:
http://www.yburlan.ru/forum/bringing-up-audial-children-recommendations-to-parents-1359.html
With all the comments that are posted I am not sure if you are reading them all or not but I want to thank you for posting this. You are describing my son perfectly. When we had our last in home intake with a new therapist they asked me my goal for treatment and mine was to feel safe in our home. That was almost 2 years ago and we are still not safe.
After Friday's horrific events I couldn't help but think that it could very easily be my son on the news in 10 years. I don't know what else to do or who else I can reach out to, we have tried it all. It is just heartbreaking.
Thank you for writing this and letting me know that I am not alone.
Don't dismiss the idea out of band, but have you written to the Dr. Phil show for help? Yes, he'll put you on TV and ask difficult questions as a "teaching tool" for others in the situation, but if you're asking him for help (instead of being defensive--he has a lot of very defensive people as guests) he's great about finding the best help available, even for kids with mental health issues. So very sorry you're going through this. You and Michael are in my prayers.
My son has aspergers (an autism spectrum disorder) and at 8 years old has been in residental treatment 2 times...i completely understand...</3
Most mental disease comes from an unhealthy gut. Please, please consider looking into IgG testing or GAPS diet! I would also supplement with magnesium. (It's very easily absorbed through the skin, you can use epsom bath salt or magnesium spray). That said: I am sending you love and light, you beautiful motherperson <3
Part 2: Federal Government involvement in Medicine and Medical R & D is also a major factor in the lack of cures for chronic disease. First, Allopathic Physicians need to learn the Natural and Alternative Medical diagnostic techniques then all of the old ancient medical formulas and techniques need to be researched. It is impossible to research efficacy of treatments without expert diagnostic techniques for value assessment on patients. I use an almost completely unknown acupuncture protocol (self-administered much like a diabetic gives himself insulin injections) that treats many chronic diseases, as well as other little known medical knowledge for the majority of my health care needs. My understanding of Natural and Alternative Medicine is both in depth and personal. Friends are now asking me to share my medical knowledge because there is no treatment available for chronic disease. Chronic disease treatment is “Do it yourself healthcare, or do without because Allopathic Medicine provides absolutely "NO" cures.” When one approaches any Allopathic Physician with a cure for chronic disease, they just look at the person with a blank stare. Allopathic Physicians do not have the diagnostic ability to discern the efficacy of alternative treatments. These physicians only respond to inadequate palliative treatments provided by pharmaceutical companies.
The major solution to high health care costs and successful treatment of mental disorders is for states to mandate medical schools to teach expert diagnostic techniques to first year medical students. If students are lacking in proficiency in expert diagnostic techniques at the end to the first year of medical school, they need to be washed out of the program. We can eliminate the majority of the expense and failure in our medical system by insisting our states get tough on the way physicians are trained.
Congress and State Legislatures can get Dr. Vassant Lad of Albuquerque, NM and, or other pulse diagnosticians to give demonstrations in Washington and the various state legislatures by diagnosing Congressmen while they are sitting in their seats in Congress. Dr. Lad may have a trusted colleague who would participate. House members can send a saliva sample to Healthy Bodies in Wills Point, TX to be diagnosed and receive treatment, in order to test the efficacy of these diagnostic methods. Since these diagnostic methods can be demonstrated, our Allopathic Medical Establishment can make no excuses for current inept and expensive medical diagnosis and thoroughly inadequate palliative care. Psychiatry has not progressed beyond its infancy, and it will only progress when the public insists on competent diagnostic techniques. In other words, we have the ability to make our state and federal governments give us better health care, so let’s do it. There is no excuse for mass murders.
thank you for sharing your story. I struggled with undiagnosed mental illness all my life, I have also been labeled as "brilliant" academically speaking.
However, brilliant does not mean wise. Believe it or not it has been a curse until recently. I know it might sound hard to believe but brilliant people are very sensitive to other people's pain as their own when they see it. Although they have trouble measuring the impact of their actions. Two things that triggered extreme violence in me were being treated unjustly or being under estimated or lied to. Smart people don't like to be treated as idiots.
Soccer mom, have you tried involving your son on a compassionate activity that requires figuring how to pull a lot of resources to help a lot of people? If he does not find a way to channel all those super powers, they can be very self destructive. Believe me, I know, I felt like ending it all several times.
I know that compassion helped me channel a lot of negative thoughts into a life purpose. Now I know that the same thing that makes me different also helps me see a bigger picture that others simply can't see. However, I had to learn to care for something bigger than my self before understanding how to channel these "gifts/curses".
I think trying to expand his world into bigger purposes and showing him how what makes him special can turn him into a mentor for generations to come is something any kid would work hard to achieve and look forward to all his life :-)
Help him care for others more than for himself and he will make you very proud one day.
Blessings turn into disadvantages in the hands of those who don't know how to use them.
Best luck to you.
I was hoping you might write an article about your best case scenario so that policy makers might have a template. What kinds of services would like to see for your son and for your family. I feel for your other children who have to live in fear and who are constantly having to have their needs put second to their brother. What are your short term wishes as well as your long term?
I just wanted to say thank you for your honesty.
YOU NEED TO DELETE Dr. This N. That's comments from Dec. 16. Very offensive.
I couldn't help but cry a but cry because this is my story as well, but from your son's point of view. I threatened my brother, scared my sisters, made my parents cry out of exhaustion. I've said and done some horrible and horrifying things. At 17, I made a decision that my life would be nonviolent and that if I caused hurt or violent actions in my family I'd leave, but at 19, I started using opiates to get away from the angry feelings and most other emotions. Since then I've been going to a twelve step program and have been clean for almost two years. I can't imagine the hurt I've cause my family. I know they say they forgive me, but I can't forgive myself.
Thank you for your courage to post this. This is the most important message from this week's tragedies. I hope your story gets to enough people that it will bring about change!
One more comment. Please don't pay attention to these people that post stupid comments. They don't have a clue, just want to feel they are better than us and have the right to tell others how to live their lives. Poor small pityful people. Anyone with brains and a heart will be at your side in this fight for a better society.
You have written the MOST important and relevant piece of journalism about this sad sad event. Thank you.
This is a great article, but I'm appalled that the blog author posted it without citing the source or actual author, b/c I have seen this posted elsewhere with the actual author information at the bottom. Everyone comments as though the blogger has written these words, b/c it is presented that way. Isn't that plagiarism?
Wikipedia
"Anarchism is generally defined as a political philosophy which holds the state to be undesirable, unnecessary, or harmful, or, alternatively, as opposing authority or hierarchical organization in the conduct of human relations." [Emphasis added]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anarchism
Merriam-Webster
"anarchist
an·ar·chist noun \ˈa-nÉ™r-kist, -ËŒnär-\
1: a person who rebels against any authority, established order, or ruling power
2: a person who believes in, advocates, or promotes anarchism or anarchy; especially : one who uses violent means to overthrow the established order"
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/anarchist
May I make a suggestion.....please have your sons thyroid levels tested....tsh t3 t4 free t3 free t4 and thyroid antibodies full spectrum test. I know of a case where there was a boy with this type of behavior and the tests showd that he had major thyroid disfunction. You have to have all levels tested and go to a dr that understands the thyroid and how it can cause major mental health disorders. I hope this helps.....God bless you and your family
Thank you for sharing---you have given a voice to many who are afraid their parenting will be questioned and judged. Those who have seen this in person in their own families/lives realize the extent of how mental illness does not discriminate btwn good parenting vs bad parenting.
Thank you for sharing your story You and your family are in my prayers.
Research dollars, real health care support for your son's and others who suffer mental illness, etc....
We have to choose between funding drugs that just make a profit or drugs that will save our children, siblings and parents from the stranglehold of mental illness.
LETS ADDRESS THE REAL ISSUE...Mental health issues often start when a brilliant baaby is emersed into the daycare system and don't see mommy until 8 to 9 hrs later..usually there are too many babies to give personal attention to. That begins the confusion. Why is mommy leaving me? Then preschool comes and they spend less time with mommy and daddy than they do at the daycare. The things they endure SO WE CAN HAVE MORE AND BIGGER!! Imagine a highly intelligent child that sees being dropped at daycare, and preschool as abandonment. If asked would you rather have a small house and less things than be left as a small baby, toddler etc. with strangers and favoritism, and mean babies, and kids. YES MICHAEL WAS ANGRY...MICHAEL FELT RAGE TOWARD HIS MOM FOR A REASON. How many times did Michaels mom lay next to him in his bed after the other sibling came along? How often did Michaels mom have Micael only day since his siblings were born? A.(atttention)) D.(deficit) D.(Disorder). THINK ABOUT IT....LACK OF ATTENTION EARLY ON CAN DESTROY A CHILD PSYCHOLOGICALLY!! We have seen this with our own eyes, we have saved children and families by showing this fact. So I say...why not be honest and deal with where the mental illness stems from. Yes it is genetic sometimes, but even then it can b completely supressed through positive and exhausting attention while young, which allows empathy and social responsibility to grow helping the individual learn how to channel that energy,emotion etc., or deal with their feelings with the knowledge that they know a problem could arise. Leaving your child with people that cause them harm and having a traumatic abuse occur creates bipolar like behavior. Of course in a medical world where they gain profit from each visit and long term visits no one will tell you that a simple face time, day off work solely to spend quality time, older sibling time that does not involve spending money...on games shopping etc, but instead geared toward feeding their spirit with the knowledge of how you love them, and their siblings were to give them company. Having babies back to back is hurtful to the first sibling...they are held less, forced to spend time alone more...MAN I DON't need a PHD in Child Psychology to say...LOVVE MORE SPEND LESS...TAKE THE TIME...FACETIME...PROTECT THEM...SEXUAL ABUSE CAUSES MENTAL ILLNESS BEYOND MEASURE!!! Eeinna Akers is an Author of the book "Recapturing The Love of American Youth" A guide to loving our children and winning their love back during Teenagehood.. For a copy Email Eeinnab@gmail.com
Some others have mentioned Ross Greene. I'd like to STRONGLY recommend Dr. Greene's Collaborative Problem Solving Techniques. I truly feel they may have helped in the situation you describe -- as well as in (inevitable) future such situations
I suffer from mental illness, which of course means that my family suffered with me for a long long time. I've always looked at these shooters and thought, "That could have been me." Thank you for writing so openly and honestly. You give a voice to those that society would rather not hear from.
I understand all too well about the stigma of mental illness, I am bipolar a well as have OCD and ADHD. And I am very open about it, but the looks I get when I tell people, I know they done understand and their first reaction is to be afraid me. In some cases, yes their is something to be afraid of, but in most we just need help. When I was first diagnosed I didn't understand, or know anything, about bipolar. That's the problem with most of society, they just don't understand. Even most general practitioner doctors don't understand about mental illness, so how can they even try to diagnose and treat it. I was lucky, I got into a really good psychiatrist that more than likely saved my life, or at the very least, saved my home and family because I was on a path of self destruction and my husband was on the edge of taking my daughter and leaving me. I am unbelievably grateful to this Dr and wish that their were so many more life him. Then maybe none of us mentally ill individuals would slip through the cracks.
On another note though, if you live with a mentally ill person, why would you keep guns in your home? And who NEEDS an assault rifle anyways?
I saw your blog post after a friend posted it on Facebook. It's incredibly powerful - thank you so much for sharing your life and helping to shed light on the issues. Praying for you.
This is an exceptionally brave piece of writing. You have really put it out there and what you've written is not only heartbreaking but also incredibly honest and important. Thank you for this bravery, thank you for this truth.
This post is beautiful and necessary. I can't help but wonder if there is a link between how society has developed and any potential rise in the prevalence of mental illness. I have struggled with mental illness but in no way to this degree. I wrote about it on my blog as well -http://mylabucketlist.com/2012/12/15/why-some-thoughts-on-adam-lanza-sandy-hook-and-vulnerability/
Thank you for your honesty and bravery.
*****Dr. Ross Greene's Collaborative Problem Solving Technique*****
PLEASE look into this, as it could have genuinely helped in both the documented as well as the (inevitable) further situations.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I had no idea our mental health care system was so broken, but I guess I am not surprised. To those who say you shouldn't talk about your son's illness, I think too many people in America don't know. And if no one knows how can anything be done? How can we have the opportunity to have compassion? How will the misunderstanding and misperception of the mentally ill ever end? We need your stories. Of course there will always be judgemental people or people who only want to give unsolicited advice (like you haven't heard it already) but then there are those who hear and empathize and examine their own lives and look for ways to help. I can tell you really love your son. I hope and pray he gets the help and care he needs to live a good life.
I have a mentally-ill sister, suffering from BPD (borderline personality disorder). She seems normal to many, but I live in terror that she's going to go up into a clock tower with a gun or steal my child. There's no support or anyone to help stop this. There's no "system" in place that can help, there never has been. We are all victims of people without balance, of the vicious like Macy here. Please, put your son someplace where he can't hurt others.
Amazingly poignant. My Heart goes out to you. As a healthcare professional it's so hard to see families struggle with navigating though the systems to get the help they so desperately need without success.
Prayers to you and your family.
Thank you for posting this. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I will share this with anyone and everyone, it is a critical piece of the puzzle, the problem at the source.
Thank you a million times.
Thank you, thank you for posting this. As a society, if we do not address mental illness in a more proactive way, we will never be a truly "First World" country. And as unspeakable as you might think this is, being able to say that your child is a danger to himself and to others, and advocating to keep him in a safe place away from the temptation of hurting people, is the right next step. Not for a week or a month, but for as long as it takes.
I'm sorry I went down the rabbit hole of reading some of these comments that are so full of hatred and rage toward you. They are clearly made by individuals who are in desperate need of treatment themselves, mentally unbalanced people who need something or someone to rage toward 24/7. These people should be, as the British might say, "sectioned" until they can think clearly.
Secondly, to all of you bozos who couldn't get why Michael couldn't wear those blue pants -- if you'd read clearly, his school has a dress code or uniform situation where only two colors of pants are allowed, and blue is not one of those colors. No, we can't just do what we please in this world, and I include adults here. Rules are in place so we know what is allowed and there can be some semblance of order. You're not allowed to drive in the opposite lanes of traffic or steal a stack of iPhones just because you feel like it. Dress codes/uniforms are instilled to make it easier on everyone in terms of making school clothes affordable, getting ready in the morning, and being the potential target of bullying because of what you wear, and it is my observation that public school students whose schools require uniforms behave more maturely than those whose schools don't require uniforms.
I love that some people are giving what appears to be incredibly useful advice, though. Though you'll probably have to go to as many psychiatrists and try out as many psychiatric drugs as possible to get your child's behavior under control. I think that once you get to the point where you've got a proper diagnosis and treatment going, you can start easing up on your child. Reward him for good behavior with affection, a favorite treat, some extra time with his video games, etc. Then you can try doing what this one lady did -- she was on the Stephen Fry documentary about bipolar disorder and was a physician who was diagnosed as bipolar, "sectioned", and treated psychiatrically until she'd become adjusted to feeling "normal". Then she concoted her own diet featuring a lot of the vitamins and minerals she needed to help balance herself and she's done really well managing her symptoms that way (along with reducing the levels of stress in her life). Note: She did this only after spending a long time managing her symptoms with medicine. Once you guys have that kind of control with your son, you could try the dietary approach too.
Mental illness is just like illness anywhere else in your body -- it's caused by a biological imbalance/ailment that requires the proper medical treatment. Drugs ARE the main answer here, just like insulin is the main answer for diabetes (complemented by diet) and inhalers/Singulair are the main answer for asthma (possibly complemented by breathing exercises). Just like you wouldn't advise a diabetic to forgo his/her insulin, you shouldn't advise someone who's mentally ill to forgo whatever medical treatments are working for them. This even includes electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), which I understand works really well on those people who are severely mentally ill (and which has been practiced a lot more carefully now than it was 50 years ago, as per Carrie Fisher's experiences with ECT). It sounds to me like your son might benefit greatly from ECT, then medicine, then a change of diet, all the while incorporating meditation into his/your life.
Take care and don't listen to the detractors. They are of unstable minds themselves.
I have a brother "Michael" that has been missing for almost 10 years. Michael's Run We work with the SHINE Initiative trying to bring awareness and education and to eliminate social stigma. We go into local schools telling my brother's story and trying to make people aware. Thank you for sharing your son's story... we know first hand how difficult this journey is. He is lucky to have you!
My heart goes out to you in learning how to cope with your son whom you love very much. But, he is growing and soon will be too much for you to handle or subdue. My suggestion for you is to visit a website for Catholic Charities in your area and inquire about services for adolescent mental health. Catholic Charities provides safe and appropriate residential opportunities to children, adolescents, and adults who struggle with mental illness. My prayers go with you on this journey that you will find the help that you and your son need. Through God's grace you will get through this and I pray that your son receives a proper diagnosis. God bless you and your family!
what proof do you have that ANY of these shooters had issues like your son?
I think if you have no proof you should not be using this to bring attention to your plight though I do think you need help and should get it to do so on the back of these sensational cases with no POOF if you have none is actually a very disgusting thing. For one thing if these killers are killing because the drugs are making them crazy you are taking the attention away from the real cause... second if the attention is directed wrongly towards kids like yours they will lose their freedoms and likely be subjected to more drugging (which maybe making them worse) and further hell.
Just my idea of the subject without any proof the shooters were like your son you are doing a disservice to all involved including you son. and the victims of this last shooter and the ones to come.
My father is an self taught homeopathic practitioner with an experience of at least two decades. He has been curing his whole family all this while to point where we're all completely off conventional meds. Homeopathy is primarily based on addressing mental symptoms.
He is not an American and is in the US for a short while.
I believe he can help your son. If you would like to give it a shot, please get in touch with me at fareehazia@gmail.com
My heart goes out to you.
Please look into EEG Neurofeedback as a treatment. For example read more here:
http://www.eegcentreforneurofeedback.com/eegcentre-testimonials.html
We were lucky, after puberty our teenager snapped out of her rage fits. We had her in an inpatient program for a week and it may have helped a little. I hate that people only talk about less guns or more guns. We need more help before these things happen. You are a wonderful person for sharing this and an incredible mom to love your child so much that you're willing to do these things to help him.
I have a son like yours. He has not quite gotten to that same level, but this summer was a very violent one. If nothing else, know that you are not alone in the frustration, worry, exhaustion and anguish that come along with everyday life. I always think about the mothers of these shooters and my heart breaks for them, knowing what they must be asking themselves. What are they replaying in their minds about what they could have done? My hope for them is that they can find the peace they deserve, knowing they did their best. All we can do is our best. All my love, support and understanding for you and your family. Thank you for sharing this piece.
what proof do you have that ANY of these shooters had issues like your son?
I think if you have no proof you should not be using this to bring attention to your plight though I do think you need help and should get it to do so on the back of these sensational cases with no POOF if you have none is actually a very disgusting thing. For one thing if these killers are killing because the drugs are making them crazy you are taking the attention away from the real cause... second if the attention is directed wrongly towards kids like yours they will lose their freedoms and likely be subjected to more drugging (which maybe making them worse) and further hell.
Just my idea of the subject without any proof the shooters were like your son you are doing a disservice to all involved including you son. and the victims of this last shooter and the ones to come.
As I am aure there are many people here who identify with the child in this story and are beating up the mother in this - one human being can only do so much. I am sure you felt alone, judged, etc... and condemn this mom for not wanting to help the child but put him away. I think the most important message is that we all need HELP! The child, the mother...the mother might be better equipped to help the child with outside support. As a single mother with 3 kids - all with challenges and with challenges myself - there has to be a means provided by the government to help put the pieces back together. This mother is dealing with it the best she can. Think of the other children in the family who also deserve security, piece of mind and not the trauma that one of their siblings will kill them and the family. There is NO 100% solution that we are all going to agree on but we need options, support, a think tank of ideas to draw from. Our government spends millions of dollars funding think tanks to create better weapons, fuels, foods but shouldn't the same be said for our people?
Good for you for standing up for yourself - and for your boy. I disagree that you cannot say you are the mother of all the other 'monsters' as people call them that have committed these murders though - you are there for your son and try to get him the help he needs and we do not know for certain if these other male individuals have had that support from their parents or not.
I see children with mental health issues in my work. It's a sad thing. We care for them and do what we can to keep them and others safe. I do hope that society realizes that mental health issues ARE an okay thing to have and that the stigma of having them is really no big deal. The big deal is knowing there's an issue and ignoring it.
No matter what your son says/does, I hope that one day he realizes how lucky he is to have you for a mother.
I'm forwarding your blog entry to a friend. She has cried on my shoulder more times than I care to count about her wonderful son and the "demon" that lives inside him. As you said, on his best days, he is happy, athletic, funny, a joy to be around but in a snap he's gone and everyone take cover. As with you, I would give anything to help her. You are their mothers and the one they take their angry out on, it's a scary role. Maybe this horrible, horrible tragedy will be the cry for help that starts to bring answers or change.
my nephew Hunter is Michael too, we all try, but sometimes we just can't manage. I sent your link to my sister, hoping to get her options and hope, thank you, bless you.... Jen
Thank you for writing this. I posted it on my Facebook page. As a clinical social worker and school social worker I frequently work with young people similar to son. In many instances I'm one of the first professionals that hasn't blamed the parent for their child's behavior or made cruel, venomous comments about the child choosing to act out. Maybe the tragedy in CT will begin a national conversation about access to quality mental health coverage and the realities of chronically mentally ill individuals.
I have a mentally-ill sister, suffering from BPD (borderline personality disorder). She seems normal to many, but I live in terror that she's going to go up into a clock tower with a gun or steal my child. There's no support or anyone to help stop this. There's no "system" in place that can help, there never has been. We are all victims of people without balance, of the vicious like Macy here. Please, put your son someplace where he can't hurt others.
Wow, My heart goes out to you. I do understand the issues we have with Mental Health and how our county deals with it. Prison!!!!
I think there is no help for Mothers, Fathers, and Children like Michael because the NWO (New World Order) wants control of all of us. Do a little research on Illumicorp. They say it all. They want to cut the worlds population by 80%, So throwing mentally ill children and adults is a homage for the government. They throw them in prison and hope they will act out there so they have a "legitimate reason" to either kill them, or lock them away forever. Its a very sad state of affairs. Please make a note of my email add. I would love to pray for you. As God is our ONLY HOPE for anything getting better. My email is dawn61472@yahoo.com. Please do not hesitate to email and we can talk if you need an outlet. All I can do to help is pray and be here for you anytime of the day or night. Please keep me in mind. God Bless you and the rest of your family. Dawn Ludwig
I am using my husband's account because I don't have one on blogger. You can contact me at maryfconti@aol.com.
I have been a social worker for 17 years, working in child protection for 11. I am now working with the state's developmental disabilities program for adults over 21.
There are medical assistance programs like Katie Beckett (in my state) which is a medicaid program for children with chronic conditions, psychological and/or medical. These programs only take into account your son's income and assets, and not yours.
Your son's social worker doesn't sound like they know what they are talking about. You most certainly do NOT have to charge him with a crime to get help. You can contact your state's child protective services (like our DCYF, or DSS, whatever the equivalent is in your state). Keep in mind that there are some workers in every department who know what they are doing, and others who do not. Keep trying.
There is a petition you can file in family court which is a dependency petition (not an abuse or neglect petition) that states that, through no fault of your own, you require the state's assistance with regard to caring for your child. The state will often pay for residential placement, treatment, etc. for children via a dependency petition.
When your son turns 21, he should transition over to your states mental health department (mine is behavioral health, mental health, developmental disabilities)...this can provide long term residential group home or similar placement for your son.
Please contact me if you would like any further information. I would be glad to help anyone who has questions. I know for a fact that you cannot stop at just asking one person and taking their word for whatever they tell you. You have to be persistent.
Contact your senator/representative or governor. If you make enough noise, the agencies who are put into place to help you will step up to the plate and do their job. I hope this helped. Feel free to send me an email anytime.
Best of luck to you.
Mary
Part 3: About an Alternative Medical Protocol that cures mental illness and info. on prayers for suicide and aggressive behavior. Others gave their email addresses, so you may have one of mine instead of contacting me through Facebook: anngcm1@gmail.com I will be brave also.
I happened on this web site through one of the political web sites on which I ordinarily do a lot of blogging - the Rio Norte Line.
You're a hero. I hope you don't listen to any of these comments saying you're anything otherwise. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your struggle. It's the ONLY way we can be better, so better, and support each other. Don't worry about that Diane (?) lady who wrote the NOVEL about how you shouldn't be posting your son's picture and story on the internet. NOT being vulnerable and sharing and asking for help is EXACTLY what got us into this in the first place. By pretending it doesn't happen. Keep it up. Be honest. Be vulnerable. Share your story. Be willing to be wrong on this journey of growth and learning. There is NO WAY to do this unless more people like you post their experience and ask for help, and open up the dialog. XOXOXOXOXO <3
I have been complaining about this for years!! I'm NOT in any trying to take up for any of the accused!!! BUT if the accused is mentally ill, they should not be in jail!!! However they should be placed under a doctors care in a safe, lockdown facility. Some should remain there for life. I have suffered from depression/anxiety/mental issues my entire life...it runs in my family (if I had to guess I'd prob say both sides). I have been medicated & under doctors care most of my life. I'm disabled now due to developing cancer & flipping out about it...basically. I'm being treated for my mental issues through the lovely State of LA!! They make it SO difficult to get your meds or even get an f/u appt., etc. And your lucky if the dr you saw last month is still there for you next appt. Also they somehow put everyone in for addiction of some kind. I'll agree that some of these people on drugs, BUT some are self medicating. It's very common for a person with untreated mental issues to drink or take drugs. I could go on & on but... All of this knowing that the people they're giving the run around...are ALL MENTALLY ILL & shouldn't be off their meds!! I can totally understand why some very ill people commit such terrible acts. & I'm guessing Obamacare is not going to make it any better!! I pray for the ill individuals that commit these horrible crimes. Also I pray for all affected by their actions...those little kids & their families. God Bless us all.
Hi. I realize that you may not even see this comment, you didn't ask for input, and you have no reason to place any value on this. I wanted to put out there, though, that I've talked extensively with my naturopathic doctor about the treatment of mental illness and have been really amazed by the information I've heard. NDs have a very different way of approaching mental illness, even very serious mental illnesses. Natural approaches don't have to be used instead of conventional, western approaches. They can be used in conjunction. If you aren't satisfied that you've reached the place you want to be with your son, you could look into another perspective. I wish you and your family the very, very best.
I understand you pain, and I hope the world one day sees that mental illness is real & needs to be payed attention to. My son was 8 the first time he tried to take his own life. I have just started to write about it and share, hoping it can be a coping mechanism and maybe help someone else along the way. The schools and government do not understand what we go through, and no one is willing to help it is a constant fight. God bless you, and Good Luck!
You are my hero, seriously. To be so brave as to come out and relate yourself to the moms of those troubled kids that went so far as to take the lives of other people. No one stops to think about the mental health of the shooters other than "they must be crazy/evil/monsters/etc." to go this far. No one has compassion for the assailant or the families. NOT sympathy, COMPASSION. All people want to do is speculate about how this kid didn't get disciplined enough, his dad wasn't in the picture, he's spiritually dead, he doesn't eat the right foods, he's a "vaccine damaged child." Every time you bring a child into this world you're playing genetic roulette and sometimes you go broke. I'm dealing w/ something nowhere near as difficult (yet). My daughter who is almost 7 has severe ADHD and most likely bi-polar disorder. What do you do? Do you have your own child incarcerated? Do you dope them up w/ untested and often ineffective meds? Do you pray your kid doesn't completely break and kill your whole family? There are no "What to Expect" books on this, there is no good solution and you're absolutely right: it's time for people like us to speak up and protect our kids from stigma and push the medical community for more effective forms of treatment!
Post a Comment